I'm itchy from a ton of bug bites and my skin hurts from a massive sun burn. Just got back from a family reunion in Texas. The reunion was fun (aside from the confederate flag I saw and a cousin saying transphobic things) but I am so happy to be home. I missed my dog. And my dad. And my bed. I was sleeping on a couch. I am so, so tired and I go back to work tomorrow. Should have taken an extra day off. I dont bounce back as quickly now that I'm 27. I'm old and grumpy and so fucking sunburnt. I wish my boyfriend was nearby so he could put some lotion on me.

Day without women

I really wish I could participate in the day without women protests happening tomorrow. But it's such a privileged thing to just be able to say I'm not going to work today, deal with it. There are many women who, like me, can't afford the missed shift, can't afford the money I'd be losing, or risk being written up or fired.

It bothers me when the older generations accuse people my age of not participating in politics or protesting. They belittle us and say our beliefs are invalid. Sharing stuff on Facebook doesn't count. Well we can't all skip work to march or campaign or whatever. I'd love to. But I'm poor as fuck.

Poor people don't get the luxury of participating fully in society. We're too busy trying to make ends meet. I've got a broken dryer, a mouse in my kitchen, the check engine light is on in my car, I gotta renew my costco membership. I need to make sure I can feed myself. It's overwhelming at times. And as much as I want to be more involved I just can't swing it. I am incredibly passionate about social issues. But my life is a god damn social issue.

This may not have been the most cohesive post. It's late. I have to wake up early tomorrow for work. If you can protest, I am happy for you. But I hope you fight for those of us who can't. And I hope you don't look down on us.

Well today was a better day. Mentally at least. It was up and down otherwise.

I felt kind of flat and just tired all day. Work was busy.

On the upside, I caught a ditto in pokemon go, I got to work with two of my favorite coworkers, I won a grocery store reward for a $50 giftcard (I picked Target), and I felt more like eating today.

The downsides are that I was cold all day and the check engine light came on in my car on my way home from work. And now I'm stressed out and it's causing intestinal cramps (attractive, I know) and my dog is ignoring me.

So I can't really say if today was better or worse. But I felt better anyway. Except my stomach. Maybe don't go into my bathroom for a while.

Obligatory first post title

Today was not a great day. I woke up and almost immediately I was super depressed and sad. There's a lot going on in my life right now. I haven't been sleeping well. I have a lot of bills and work obligations and family stuff going on. I barely get to see my friends. And my boyfriend is across the god damn country and I have no idea when I'm going to see him next. I know with depression some days are just bad. But this was the worst day I've had in a long time.

I had to force myself out of bed. Force myself to get dressed. I think I forgot to brush my teeth. I cried a few times. Complained to the boyfriend. Managed to do some laundry. And I got myself to work.

Once I got to work I was a little better. But I just alternated feeling numb and tired and sad the whole day. I didn't manage to eat anything substantial until about 4:30pm.

It's hard being mentally ill when you have to be the boss. I'm trying to run a Starbucks. There are like a dozen things I have to keep track of at all times. And it's so hard when you get foggy depression brain. I managed decently tonight. It was a struggle. But I did it. It's like Parker (the boyfriend) said, it will pass.

Anyway, I took one and a half sleeping pills because I don't have a day off for another four days and I really need to sleep. I think it's kicking in.